Yo pienso que...

(or in English for you non-Spanish speakers, "I think that...")
I feel like I think a lot. Actually, scratch that. I KNOW that I think a lot. And sometimes it's just not good. Sometimes I just want to turn it off and stop hearing myself for awhile. I process and analyze everything...why can't I just sit back, relax, and not think?
Sometimes I worry, sometimes I just reminisce. A lot of the time it's worry. Why can't I just chill out and let God have full control? I mean, life would be so much more relaxing just to let God have reign in my life. Instead, I choose to fret over finances, fear the unknown, worry about failing, and stress about not "fitting in". Maybe I just am afraid to hand over the reigns and let someone other than me control my life. It's hard letting go and letting God have control...even though I know He is awesome and that He only has my best interest in mind.
Instead I just continue fretting, worrying, stressing and not relaxing and enjoying the things that God has blessed me with.
I have great friends, great roommates, a great staff, a beyond amazing family- in short, I have people who I love and who love me. God has provided me with the things I have needed- I have never been in a situation of desperation. Even when I act stupid, or feel worthless, or something, He is there for me and loves me just the same. And the cool part? That will never change.
I may always think a lot (I probably always will) but maybe instead of freaking out or doubting God's ability, I could just rest in Him. And maybe I could have that peace and full healing I am looking for.
God is just plain awesome.
:-)

Blah.

Fall break has been this week...very relaxing :) I haven't had this kind of break since July/early August and I love it soo much!
This week I decided that I'm a little tired of school and all the same old stuff. I love school- don't get me wrong, but somedays I'm just ready to be finished already. I want to travel- I want to go back to Chile, I want to go to Ireland and Italy...so many places...and I want to go into missions in a Hispanic country.
Then I get to thinking why I love school so much...When else will I get to live so close to so many people my age and hang out and have fun like this? the real world won't be like college. I also enjoy learning (not so much the grades though). I love my jobs (RA and peer leader) even though they can be stressful- I love my freshmen and my residents. I love my staff and the people in first year programs. These are amazing, one of a kind jobs. I also just love the age I'm at right now- I need to stop rushing and just enjoy being where I'm at.
I love life and need to learn to be content all the time no matter whether it's been a good or bad time...life is an adventure :)

And let the insanity begin!

Why in the world do I do everything I do?
Some days I really believe I've achieved balance in my life and then in one week it seems like I can't handle anything. I know I get stressed out at times, but weeks like this coming week make it a good reason to get stressed. I think all my professors conspire and make everything happen in one week. Exam, quiz, essay, presentation, service day, club event, reslife stuff (as always), and then just classes and other everyday things. I know I can do it if I take it one day at a time but I keep looking at the big picture and get to caught up in my worrying and I stop enjoying life and the time I have at school. I only get this experience once and so I'm making the most of it. Sometimes it just gets a little insane. But like I say a lot, I love to stay busy and do well under pressure. So let the insanity begin! I am proclaiming now that I will not only do well in everything but that I will enjoy myself and have fun this week!

Lazy?

It seems crazy to even call myself lazy- I mean, I have two on campus jobs that require a lot of me, I have a full course load, and am involved with some clubs on campus. Lazy is not generally the first word that pops into my mind. But the more I think about it, the more I really begin to believe it's true sometimes. I get so caught up in life and it's business that I let things fall to the wayside. The biggest of those things being my relationship with my Daddy. I get so consumed with "stuff" that when I come home I just want to relax or read or something and I let my relationship with my Father God suffer. I don't know about anyone else, but that tears at my heart. I love my Daddy and want to spend time with Him and it's really sad when life becomes so much more important. Don't get me wrong, God is number 1 in my life but I don't always act that way. I want to start making God priority over everything else and stop being lazy in that area of my life.

Too Much.

Sometimes I really just wonder at why God made me the way I am. I get frustrated easily with myself- I tell myself I am too sensitive, too afraid of what people think, too afraid of what people think of me, too much of everything...It's so hard to just be content and love life because I care too much about stuff. Stuff that doesn't even matter in the long run...stuff that we make into too much of a big deal. I'm tired of not loving and living life the way God intended me to live it- I want to live in His blessings and I want to live believing that I am loved and cherished- which I am. God made me the way I am, and while I do mess up, I'm never too far out of His reach- He's always there to bring me back to Him. And when I feel worthless or without value, He is always there to remind me how valuable and loved and full of worth and purpose I am. My human mind can't always comprehend that but I am eternally grateful for my Father who loves me more than anything- no matter what.